Dream Jobs

Every now and then, I think about the things I could be doing with my life instead of the things I am currently doing with it. Because of this daydreaming, here is the list of things that I wish I could be, crazy or not.

1. Professional Slacker - Get Paid. Do Whatever.

2. Chef or Restaurant owner

3. Personal Music Finder - Like a personal shopper for Music

4. Carolina Football Somethingoranother - Not quite sure what the job would be, but I would watch alot of Gamecock Football.

5. Limo Driver - I don't know why, but I think it would be pretty sweet.

6. Bartender - I realize this can't ever happen... I am too short to be behind a bar. :-(

7. Wedding Planner - This way I get to have a wedding every weekend, but I don't have to actually be married.

8. Advice giver - Get paid to give my opinions... Where do I sign up?

9. Laugh Track Person - I want to be the laugh that gets piped into television shows. I have a pretty solid range, giggles, snorts, chortles, belly laughs and the patented geisha laugh.

10. Entertainment reviewer - I already watch tons of tv and movies and I listen to lots of music, why not combine my love of those things with my love of giving my opinion? TADA, awesome job.

Annoyances

Among my friends and even some acquaintances, I am known to be a person who is plagued by many different quirks.

One of these quirks is how odd little things annoy the ever living bejeebies out of me. I think the weirdest one is my food quirk. My food quirk is actually a series of many different little quirks that make me the crazy that I am.

1. My food cannot touch. It drives me almost to the point of tears when the food on my plate touches. I know what you're going to say, "Its all going to the same place." Yes, this is true, but I want it to stay separate until it does. If I could eat with an elementary school cafeteria tray for the rest of my life, that would be amazing, my green beans staying with my green beans, my corn staying with my corn and both of those things staying away from my fried chicken. The vegetable juices would get the crispy delicious soggy and that would be HORRIBLE.

2. If I get a sandwich, i will most likely rearrange it to make sure that every bite gets the perfect proportion of all of the layers of sandwich. If there is huge leaf of lettuce that is hanging out all over the place, I am most likely tearing it into smaller pieces that will stay with in the circumference of the bun. If there are two slices of tomato, I may be cutting them into pieces that fit together like puzzle pieces so that every bite gets the same amount of tomato. If there is a sauce, I am pulling both sides of the bun off and equally distributing the sauce between both sides of the bun so that is there isn't one side that is soggier than the other.

3. If there are sauces, I am going to want one of each. I love sauce. Prime example of this is Miyos in Columbia, SC. (side note - This is the best Asian Fusion restaurant I have ever been to in my entire life. The fact that I called this place an Asian Fusion restaurant makes me want to punch myself in the face.) Miyos has some of the best fried rice ever and it only becomes even more awesome when you add EVERY SINGLE SAUCE THE RESTAURANT SERVES. My fried rice at Miyos will have duck sauce, the brown soy vinageratte and the spicy red make your everything burn sauce all mixed into it.

I am sure this list is much much longer but I am quite certain that the more I talk about being odd, the more that I will get teased for it.

Please be kind and don't MIX MY FOOD. :-)

Dancing Queen

Every now and then I like to shake my groove thing, tear up a dance floor, cut a rug or plainly put, just dance.

Before I move forward with this story, I must apologize to all the dance teachers I've ever had in entire life. This story is no reflection on your teaching skills, only my awesome dance ability.

Last night, at my favorite home away from home, The Gin Mill, I boogied down. I got hot and sweaty and was very very dancy.

I am the first to admit that I have been one to judge people, looking at people and formulating conclusions in my head. As much as I judge, I hate being the feeling of being judged by others. I have this deep seeded fear of people looking at me and speculating about the person that I am or the actions that are taking place in front of their eyes without knowing any of the background information.

With all of that being said, last night, I danced without fear of judgement. I threw my hands in the air and waved them like I just didn't care. Silly as it may seem, I let loose and had one of the most fun nights that I have had in a while.

So turn up the music and shake what your mama gave you. (May I suggest some 80's music? Erasure? Men at Work? Journey?) Trust me, it feels good. :-D

The List

I have always thought that I am not an overly picky person, but the other day a friend of mine at work was telling me about the list that she and her roommate started of all the things they wanted their future significant other to be or do or have. This got me thinking, what would my list be?

So in the spirit of the Shelia Taylor philosophy, I am putting my list out in the universe. So you hear that universe, BRING IT.

THE LIST

1. You must have a sense of humor and one that is quite varied. I want you to see the hilarity in the nuances of everyday life as well as be able to laugh at the adolescent poop joke that I tell.

2. You have to get the fact that my friends are important to me and your friends should be important to you. I have never liked when people enter into relationships and completely lose touch with the people that have been in their life for longer.

3. You must love to cook and love to eat. I want someone who enjoys a fine meal and is willing to cook one for me.

4. You are not allowed to be allergic to my cat. I will always choose her over you.

5. My job is important to me and there are times when I work silly hours. Its either ok with you or not, but that's the way it is.

6. If you have a tattoo, that is a plus, but there needs to be a meaning behind it. If you are going to put something on your body forever, realize that is how long its going to be there.

7. You must like sports. I realize that most guys do, but I have met those who don't and that is just strange. I love sports and during the fall watch them obsessively.

8. You have to love music, good music that is... It will be important for your musical tastes to line up some what close with mine, because it is never fun to ride in a car with someone who hates your music.

9. You will have a healthy sexual appetite. I like doing it. You should too. More importantly, you should really like to make out and please don't suck at it. Seriously, how do people become bad kissers? Girls who continue to allow guys to be bad kissers are just as much to blame. Teach the poor kid instead of perpetuating the horribleness. (I digress.)

10. I want a guy who can tell me I am beautiful and mean it and not just say it to get into my pants. Trust me fellas, girls know when you are just a horndog.

11. You have to be ok with the fact that even though I am not the most religious person out there, I still have faith and there is a higher power that I believe in and look to. I, in fact, would hope the same from you. It sucks to live a life having faith in nothing.

12. Understand the fact that I have done some really fucked up things in my life. I don't expect you to condone them, but please don't judge me for them either.

14. Be the guy who walks on the side closest to the road when we are on a sidewalk just because its second nature and that was the way you were brought up.

15. Have a good relationship with your family. I love my family and would do anything for them, you should be the same.

16. Offer to pay for dinner and mean it. I will be fair with you and pay my fair share, but seriously, make the gesture.

17. Surprise me. I don't care what with, but on occasion, I want to be genuinely surprised by something nice.

18. Give me flowers. (ok, this is probably the cheesiest thing on the list, but I have seriously never gotten flowers from a guy.)

19. Be able to carry a conversation with me, be it about television, sports, movies, music, politics, entertainment news, or any number of topics that could come up. I am a talker but I want someone to listen to as well.

20. You will love me for all the crazy, obscure, random, silly, random and ridiculous things that I am and no worries, I will do the same in return.

So I think this is something I should do.

I have started several blogs and I never keep up with them.

This is another attempt.

There is no real way for me to narrow down what I will talk about, so I am sure that my blog never be one of those blogs that people check for one specific thing, but here is a short list of what I may or may not write about.

Cooking
Music
TV
Movies
My Life
Sex
Friends
Family
Work
Religion
Faith
Drinking
Random Acts of Debauchery

So as you can see, this blog is going to be just as crazed and all over the place as I am.

Best of luck to those of you who decide to follow it.